so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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