Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
