Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sorry my hands just texted you
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize