He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
