Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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