I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
