in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
