I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I need to stop coming to work sober
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize