I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
