So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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