Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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