I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
