Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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