my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
