Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
