if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
