Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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