i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
