if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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