Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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