Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
