while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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