I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
