he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
