Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
