why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
