This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
