the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
