i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
