Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
