This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
