im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
