my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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