I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
