So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
