hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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