Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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