he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
