Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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