He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
