She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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