Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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