So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
