just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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