dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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