I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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