Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm both gender and math confused
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
