Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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