He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
