I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
