I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
