I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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