the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
