Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
