OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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