how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
