yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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