That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
