dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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