Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
