At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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