Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize