she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Alive.
So much puke
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
