Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
