Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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