shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
