Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
