whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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