This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
