you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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