So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize