I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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