Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
