hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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