she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
is that a dick in a sweater?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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