she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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