well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
