mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Are my feet made of real feet?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize