my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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