wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
