Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
