I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
