would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize