This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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