So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
