you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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