I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
