two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
