When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
