a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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