Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
