it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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