he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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