I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
