i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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