Tell her she can't have a vagina
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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