I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
