I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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