Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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