Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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