She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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